After reading through the Bible a few times, I've noticed there are certain stories that just make me chuckle a little. Sometimes it's not anything truly funny, but rather something ironic or darkly humorous. Since I don't have any heavy theology on my mind at the moment, I thought I'd throw out a few episodes of Biblical Hilarity. One of the key features of these episodes is that, taken out of the context of Scripture, you might have a hard time coming up with a Key Message. I'll provide the obvious message, with an eye to hilarity.
Rather than giving strict quotes, I'll paraphrase for the purposes of my readers (using the NRSV - New Revised Seth Version).
The first episode doesn't start with humor, it starts with a man named Shechem taking advantage of Dinah, daughter of Jacob, perhaps violently (the passage isn't conclusive, but he was certainly in the wrong). Not exactly funny stuff. But then he tries to make nice:
Hamor: "That's cool. I'll talk to her people."
Meanwhile, Jacob's sons hear about the incident, and are spending some quality time with their sword sharpeners.
Hamor (to Jacob and his boys): "Sorry about that whole thing that happened, but my son is like in love with your daughter and all? So if you could like approve of him marrying her, that'd be great...."
Jacob's boys (winking to one another): "Yeah, that's totally cool with us. Only thing is, you all have like way to much skin on your hoohahs, so if you could just remove it for us, we'll even be your best mans and stuff. Oh, and not just you. Everybody in your town. K?"
Hamor explains to Shechem.
Shechem: "Sweet! "
Shechem's relations remove aforementioned extra skin. Three days pass.
Shechem's city's males: "Ow."
Jacob's boys: "We'd like to introduce you all to something we like to call the Fist of Death. Havatchyou!"
Key Message: DO NOT MESS WITH A GIRL WITH TWELVE BROTHERS!!!!
Next, we'll move on to an actually entirely hilarious episode in the ministry of Elisha.
Prophet: "Here I am, looking for herbs, and what should I find but a vine with wonky-looking gourds on it. Seems to me they'd be good to eat. I'll grab a bunch and put them in the stew."
Prophets (after eating the stew): "<groan>. Like dying here."
Elisha: "<sigh>. Put some flour in there and you'll all be fine."
Key Message: DO NOT LET MEN COOK. Or at least make sure you audit their ingredient list.
One New Testament funny. Eutychus, possessing possibly the best name in the Bible (really, can you beat that name?), gave us this cautionary tale. Paul was in Troas, talking to the flock there, and as the New King James Version says, "continued his message until midnight."
Eutychus performs a one and a half in pike position. Beautiful form, terrible landing.
Paul: "He'll be okay."
Key Message: FALLING ASLEEP IN CHURCH CAN BE FATAL.
I hope you've enjoyed this foray into the amusing portions of the Bible. You can't make stuff like this up.